
Why queer sex? What are accelerators and brakes? How do you deal with differences in desire types and responses?
Hear it all on this episode of the Queer Joy Podcast; where two relationship therapists explore what it looks like to see joy in queer relationships.
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TRANSCRIPT
ep 58
Keely: That's one of the basics when we're talking about going back to basics, is looking at sex, how are we defining sex?
Melisa: Yeah.
Keely: And how can we look, talk about sex outside of penis, vagina, penetrative sex.
Hello, welcome 2023 to Queer Relationships Queer Joy.
Melisa: Woohoo. We are here. We've officially, I know I think we've released already one in the new year, but we are now recording in the new year. We're officially there.
Keely: Yeah. Well, and I think that for me anyway, I am adjusting to the new year pretty much through all of January. So,
Melisa: Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Same
Keely: Oof. Well, we were just talking before I logged on that kind of a little tired today feeling the adjustment of post holidays, even though today's like, I guess today's technically a federal holiday, but whatever.
Melisa: Here we are.
Keely: Here we are. Here we are for updates. I have some updates.
Melisa: Should we do intros and then updates?
Keely: Okay. Well, yes.
Melisa: I haven't, I haven't given up on us doing intros consistently yet.
Keely: I haven't given up on it, and I love how you bring it back because I'll just start blabbing and then, yeah, 20 minutes later.
Melisa: For sure.
Keely: Oh well, and I remember one of my intentions was to get this like quick and to the point. So let's see how I, I'll practice some more. My name is Keely C. Helmick. I am a certified sex therapist, licensed professional counselor. I am the owner of Connective Therapy Collective. I am a queer white, non-binary fem. I'm currently solo, non monogamy, and my back is getting better. I still have in rec in recovery, but it's getting better. That's my updates. That's my intro.
Melisa: Yay. So glad to hear. Well, I'm Melisa DeSegiurant and I am licensed as a therapist working at Connective Therapy Collective. I see clients in Oregon and California. I'm white. I'm able-bodied. I'm bisexual. I'm a polyamorous person, and my gender is fluid and ever-changing. I use she and they pronouns.
Keely: Yay.
Melisa: Woo-hoo.
Keely: All right. Well, so it's, it is 2023.
Melisa: Yeah.
Keely: What is going on in your life? What updates do you wanna give since the last time we record.
Melisa: Oh boy. Yeah, right before we hit record, it was like, oh, what are my updates? well, I guess. I, I am, I am have felt very disoriented in the last, I would say, two weeks. because of all of the weather that we experienced in the Pacific Northwest, my holiday plans were all canceled. and when I say canceled, it would've felt a lot easier to navigate if it was just canceled. I went through the whole two days of trying to get, I went through I think four flights I went through, I boarded my cats and then had to unboard them and like, it just, it was a really big ordeal that for me was disorienting and then trying to do the holidays.
It just, it was a big mess. I'm fine. I I had a lovely time doing my solo thing as I have done for now three years in a row for the holidays. Um, and I, I really do. I was able to orient towards a lot of gratitude, for, you know, there's a lot of people, gosh, that had a lot of travel plans and things happen and some really horrendous things happen with weather on the East coast especially.
So I, I can very much be grateful for the holidays I did have, and there's the grief over like seeing family and, you know, missing yet another gathering for another year . So I'm just coming off of all of that and I had tried to reschedule plans for New Year's, and then that fell through too due to an illness in my family, so I am just over trying to go anywhere right now.
I am staying here. And, um, yeah, like I said, I think disoriented is the best thing I can say. It doesn't feel like it's super emotionally charged, but I'm okay. I'm doing well. I'm, I'm grateful for the things I have. I'm grateful that the holidays are behind us. I'm really, it was a headache for me and I'm, I'm glad it's done.
Keely: Yeah, it seemed like there was just so much going on and my theme, or my thought was that there was so much work and then not a lot of rewards for all the work because the storm hit so perfectly, and I will say I was not traveling. But had this whole wonderful Christmas planned out with Main Main, and they got Covid, and I haven't seen them now for, I don't know, almost two weeks.
Melisa: Yeah. Yeah.
Keely: So get to see them after this recording, actually.
Melisa: There you go.
Keely: Finally exchanged Christmas presents a week later and, but in good queer fashion, good queer, non-monogamous fashion. Instead of seeing them, I had a friend who was in town, friend, former lover with their, with her partner, and the two of them came and stopped by and hung out for a