Queer Relationships, Queer Joy; two relationship therapists exploring what's working in LGBTQ+ relationships.
In this episode we talk about autonomy, connection, and how it doesn't have to be an either/or situation in both polyamorous and monogamous relationships.
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Keely: Hello. Welcome everyone. This is Kelly and Melissa. Welcome back to our second episode about queer relationships. Melisa: And if you didn't get to check out the introductory episode, you are more than welcome to it. I think we give a little bit more backstory about each of us that could be helpful. However, we are also trying to create this so that you can, kind of pick the topics that you resonate with, and hoping that the one today will resonate with lots of people. Keely: Yeah. So we're going to talk about autonomy in relationships, autonomy versus the independence. Probably throw in that word codependency as well. And just talking about what that looks like to have autonomy. In connection with relationships. And so why don't we, you know, since there's only a second episode we'll do like a brief introduction again of ourselves. Do you want to start, Melissa? Melisa: Absolutely. So I am Melissa. I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist and professional clinical counselor at Connective Therapy Collective. I use she, her pronouns. I am a cis-gender white female able-bodied bisexual polyamorous person. I'm probably forgetting some of my identifiying things there. Keely: Nice. My name is Keeley Helmik. I am a queer sex therapist in Portland, Oregon. I am the co owner of Connective Therapy Collective where Melissa and I both work. I am a white non-binary my favorite saying right now is I identify as a non-binary femme. Femmes can be them. And I also am in a currently monogamous relationship. I do identify as kinky as well. I'm missing something. Let us know, write us in, like, let us know if there's something that we are missing because I am totally learning from people. We are all in this learning about gender and sexuality and relationships. Always always. So, Melissa, we both talked before this and we were talking a little bit about this whole autonomy and independence and, but being in relationships and how autonomy works in that. And I have to say, can I start with a story? Yeah. Yeah. Are you cool? Yeah, a little story. I just, when we were prepping for this episode, I think. Such perfect timing, because I just got back from this like super empowerment it's called Camp Yes. And it was Camp Yes for women. However, I brought the non-binary in, I brought the femme non binary. Yeah you did! And so I realized when I got back from camp, this isn't about the camp. My partner and I like had such a great night. And she was just like, oh my gosh, why are you being like, why is this such a great night? Why did we have such great sex? What is going on? And it's like, huh. Because I was gone for four days. Melisa: You had that time to yourself to resource and be away. Yeah. Keely: And I thought that was such a great clarity and example of like, oh, autonomy actually creates the opportunity for more connection. Melisa: See that? Yeah. It's a great example of finding the balance there, because I realize even as I surfaced the theme of autonomy. I said it, I believe is versus connection, which I think is authentic to maybe where I'm sitting in my own process right now. However, I don't believe that's the goal. You know, one of the things that. I had told you about Keeley