The Queer Joy Podcast; two relationship therapists exploring what it looks like to see joy in queer relationships.
Winter holidays often mean seeing family. For LGBTQ+ folks, that can be complicated. In this episode we aim to offer support for different relational situations people find themselves in around the holidays.
From coming out of the closet, to setting boundaries, to hanging out with chosen family, we're here with tips to help you get through it!
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TRANSCRIPT
Keely: With the pandemic some people haven't seen family in multiple years. And if they've changed, if they've had gender affirming surgeries, if they have anything that changed with their looks, their names, their pronouns, those types of things to be. How do, how to prepare for that or how to be empowered, to choose not to participate in that. And what does that look like? Yeah. And what kind of support can people draw from depending on the decision they do make. And so I want to talk about like, I want to normalize and talk about. Naming some of the things that people are going to, that they might experience or the different experiences of different people. And I also want to make sure that you and I do at some point in this talk about. What maybe some strategies or just some things that we noticed throughout the years that have been helpful to the clients. And I can talk about the things that I really strategize, like literally Melisa: strategize, like how do you get through, regardless of what you're doing? Like, what are the, what do I do? What to make it through this holiday season Keely: Hello, everyone. Welcome back to Queer Relationships Queer Joy. I'm here with Melisa this is Kelly. See Helmick. And Melisa, you want to introduce yourself first since I'm the one who usually talks first? Melisa: Sure. I'm Melisa De Seguirant. I am a clinician with Connective Therapy Collective. Also a bisexual polyamorous white person. Keely: One of your home. Yay. And again, I'm Keeley C Helmick. I'm a licensed professional counselor, certified sex therapist, as well as the owner of Connective Therapy Collective, and lots of other things. I'm queer. Non-binary queer femme. Right now, I'm going with solo instead of single. And I don't even know from an identify as so poly, but just solo. Yeah. And I was thinking about this because I think the word single has is such a loaded term and it's really taken over by like CIS heteronormative. If you're single, this is what you're doing currently. And I don't want to be lumped into that category. So all of that. So people want to know what I'm doing. I can talk about it or you can DM me. But in the meantime, Melisa and I are. Doing this, this kind of like a bonus episode as we prepare for the holiday day. Melisa: No, you needed some extra love around the holidays. So here we are. I think also as a therapist, I remember early on into becoming a therapist, learning about the hall- like, not that I didn't know what holidays were, but it hadn't occurred to me how busy I would become as a therapist around the holidays. So I'm, I'm excited that we're offering a little bit of extra support.. Keely: Yeah. And so talking about the holidays and recognizing that this experience along with I do have to just also point out that we just had daylight savings change. So we really have less and less light. And, you know, being in Portland, Oregon, those of you that are listening that are in Portland, Oregon, or in Oregon Northern part of Oregon know how this part time of the season. It's grey. It's dark, it's rainy. And then on top of that, the holidays, which is a mixed bag for most people really just adds this layer of extra therapeutic work, Melisa: Add in a global pandemic. And we're all ready for like the world's most difficult improv scene. It's like one of those prompts, like, okay. And you're in a global pandemic. Go! Keely: So, Melisa, what would the title of your improv? Melisa: A B oh my gosh. That's a good question. I feel like I got to come back to that one. I don't know. I've always said that my well, part of my handle now on Instagram is "work in process" and I feel like that's always like autobiography, but I'm pretty sure someone's already taken that. Keely: Well, mine going to be all about, like, I have this, I really, really, really like Christmas music, but I don't like Christmas and I really like food, but I don't like the commercialization, all the capitalism around food. I really, really like gifts, but I don't like giving gifts when it feels forced. I enjoy being out and about and see something that really fits somebody like, oh, this would be a great gift for so-and-so or for so-and-so. And, but when I feel forced to have to give someone a gift because of capitalism and this specific time of the year, then I don't like it and I rebel against it. So I think I have a lot of Dooly. Ways of thinking about things. So maybe it would be like DBT! Holding two things to be true at once. Silence will be therapy seeming to be opposite Melisa: yet. Both true. Keely: Yes, exactly. So, Melisa, do you want to share a little bit when you, when we're talking about holidays and. Obviously, we're talking about the queer perspective and talking about all the different relationships this time of year, and specifically thinking about holiday time and. You want to share a little bit when you told me and where you're at and kind of what we were thinking of as we moved into. So this episode, Melisa: yeah. One of the things that came to mind, and as I say this, realizing this is going to be an overview episode. Like, like with all of ours, we can't get into every specific. Because when I thought about like queer holidays, Like for so many people that looks completely different. My mind went to how many years of being closeted and being around, you know, family members who had no idea during holidays, this for me will be the first year I'm around family members when I am out of the closet, which I I'm looking forward to. We'll see how I feel about that afterwards. I don't know. I've got a great supportive family, so that's nice. I don't know. Um, It makes me think about, you know, chosen family. I know we're going to talk more about that in this episode. It makes me think about people who do not have access to their family of origins or who do not have family because of their identity as a queer person. And I got to throw in the poly piece too, because that's also. You know, a thing around the holidays, if you are non-monogamous and you have different partnerships, especially, I know we've talked about getting out of the hierarchy in, in previous conversations, if you're a relationship anarchist, and you're trying to figure out how do I prioritize my time with partners over the holidays? So there's lots of issues that the holidays bring, Keely: oh my gosh. Yeah. So many. And I've already been starting to talk to clients about their different situations. And I'll say for myself, this is the first time I have not had a significant other significant others since I was 23. Wow. So this is a brand new experience for me for many reasons. And I think that the other piece that I want to share, which I don't usually share this much in therapy, obviously, but I think that it can be helpful to hear other people's stories. When we're talking about all these different dynamics in relationship to not only parents, but grandparents, siblings, maybe even old friends that you only see once in a while. Like if you live out out of town and you do happen to go back to town, you know, back to your hometown and seeing friends from high school or friends from college, The big thing or the, one of the themes we'll always talk about is boundaries. And so something that people really debate about is if they want to go visit their friends or their family, or if they're even allowed to, or what that dynamic is. And I will say, this is the first year- I'm 41 years old. And I put a really strong boundary. I'm like, I'm not going home. I'm not going to visit. I'm not going to hang out with my family this year. And the reason is because I have found how toxic and microaggressions and all of these pieces that I was just like, I get to choose what I want to do. I'm an adult. And so I'm going to not go hang out with them. I'll find something else to do. It's about balancing. Well, I will say right now it feels fucking awesome. We will see how it feels on the day of the commercialized holidays. I mean, definitely. I don't, I don't celebrate Thanksgiving at all. So, and for political reasons, and I don't really eat Turkey, I'm not fully vegan, but I don't support a lot of things about Thanksgiving, obviously. So, but we'll see when the day comes, but the cool thing is I'm surrounded by so many queer people and there's so much chosen family that I get to decide who I want to hang out with and how I want to hang out with them. Or I can just hang out at home. We'll see, I Melisa: was thinking about when you talked about setting that boundary of when we had the interview a few weeks back with tuck making "no" pleasurable, and I'm glad that there was some pleasure in that for you of like, no, that is my boundary. Even I felt that way about birthdays, you know, obviously it's. Well, I don't want to say obviously, maybe people will feel like it is nice to receive phone calls, messages, texts on one's birthday. I don't like being obligated to be on my phone, on my birthday. Keely: I got that guy. Melisa: So, you know, giving myself the boundary at some level with holidays, if I don't have to talk to every single person on this day, I can just Keely: enjoy the day. Yeah. And these navigations are different. So. 'cause I'm not partnered right now. I made that choice to sell my own. And so I don't have anyone else's family to think about. I made a bad roof, my, my biological family, but for folks that are partnered right now, or have multiple partners or however, their relationship dynamic is they're not only having to think about their, their family. Either the family they live with lived with growing up or their biological family. They also have to think about the other person's family and navigate those conversations. And I find it interesting because I've heard multiple people say hearing different things from different therapists. So I also want to put that out there that what you and I say may not be the same opinion of another thing. Melisa: Likely isn't and I, I think I've said it before, but like, we don't have the monopoly on mental health. I tell clients this all the time. I am not the expert on all of this. Yes. I have a lot of hopefully valid training that is helpful, but you know, we, I, I don't know. You have to take in these messages and sort of internalize them then. Huh? Does this, is this sitting right with me? Keely: Yeah, for sure. And I think about, you know, so we already named a couple of things that people deal with. I think the other piece is thinking about. The looking different, there's dressing different. There's with the pandemic Some people haven't seen family in multiple years. And if they've changed, if they've had gender affirming surgeries, if they have anything that changed with their looks, their names, their pronouns, those types of things to be. How do, how to prepare for that or how to be empowered, to choose not to participate in that. And what does that look like? Yeah. And what kind of support can people draw from depending on the decision they do make. And so I want to talk about like, I want to normalize and talk about. Naming some of the things that people are going to, that they might experience or the different experiences of different people. And I also want to make sure that you and I do at some point in this talk about. What maybe some strategies or just some things that we noticed throughout the years that have been helpful to the clients. And I can talk about the things that I really strategize, like literally Melisa: strategize, like how do you get through, regardless of what you're doing? Like, what are the, what do I do? What to make it through this holiday season? Keely: For sure. And I don't, if people, I have one more story or maybe we'll have multiple and I'd love to hear from you too, Melisa. I just actually remembered I live in Oregon, Portland. I have a lot of family, biological family that lives in Portland, even though I don't see them very often. And I just remembered years ago, I want to say like four or five years ago, a lot of my family, I realized I wasn't out. And I was at this big family gathering and it was Christmas Eve or like some time around Christmas. And we're sitting around this huge table at some weird rental, whatever place that had been the space had been rented out. I want to say it was at a church actually. Um, Do have some major religious background in my family. And all of a sudden we're going around and everyone was like formally introducing everyone. And I have my partner next to me and I was. Oh, shit. I am doing it coming out again. And I'd like, at that point I'd already come out multiple times. Right? So like different groups of people, different family members, different friend groups. And I'm sitting there like counting, watching as it goes around when it's getting close to my time. And I was just like, Hey, this is my partner. And yeah. And just looking at everyone's faces. And see the different reactions and I'm just like, breathe, breathe, breathe. And luckily, no one was too much of an asshole. I have one horrible uncle, really horrible uncle, but otherwise, I mean, comparatively. I like, as far as that, that experience was it wasn't too horrible, but it does re even what it makes me think of is we can all be caught off guard. And even if we've come out multiple times when we're put in front of people, we haven't seen in a long time, we may have to come out again. You might, you might forget. Oh wait. They don't know about monogamous. Oh shoot. Oh they don't know about my pronouns. Yeah. Yeah. Or whatever the case may be, Melisa: what you gave a strategy in your story, just there of like breathe, breathe, breathe. Like I go with those like, okay. Feet on the ground, feel the smell on my back Keely: and the knees go outside and take a breath. Well, and I was lucky I had at the time, it said I'm not partnered with them anymore, but the person I was with, she's just so awesome. And she'd been out for a long time, even longer than me. And so it was helpful, but yeah, the strategy, the other strategy, which we'll talk more about is that it was a very time limited event. And so. Even whatever was uncomfortable if there I'm, I was definitely uncomfortable. I think I was even probably turning bright probably as right as my hat I'm wearing right now, or my beanie for those who can't stand wearing a big, bright red beanie today. And so my face is probably about that color and I didn't, you know, it was uncomfortable, but it was short-lived and that is also another strategy is time limiting. Like you, if you want to stop by and see family, you can make it very brief. You get to decide, how long you interact with. boundaries. Melisa: I've thought about that a little bit. Because last holiday season, I had just gone through the divorce and just moved up to Portland. And being in the global pandemic, it made a lot of sense to not to travel anywhere to, and to stay home. I didn't have the energy to even recognize holidays last year. So this is the first time I'm going to be face-to-face with family members since my coming out. And of course I can. You know, on Facebook and Instagram and not like to these people, you know, directly. So that's going to be interesting. And I don't think I'm, I'm not concerned about being harmed. I'm not concerned about my safety. I think where I start to feel weird about it is just it's gonna be the questions, you know, like it's my own. Meaning-making even about like who I'm friends with. Like, I've noticed this, even with my folks, like asking about like, oh, and how'd you meet them? And like, okay, let me clear this up for you. I've met every one of my friends on a dating app. I'm not dating them. Yes. I'm doing weird comment. Right. Like, and it's the whole bisexual thing, you know, it's like like if I'm dating a man, if I'm dating a non binary, like it just, I find myself wanting to give less specifics and just leave everyone wondering. Cause I don't have the time to come. And like my whole life is not about me being queer either. So yeah. Like I love for people to holidays to ask about my job, ask about Portland. Like I'm hoping. Bisexuality the main topic of conversation and certainly not polyamory because the only way they would know is if they've listened to this podcast, I have not come out. Not because I'm closeted, just cause I'm, I'm tired of coming out for now. Keely: Yeah. That's another great boundary. Like you don't have to come out if you don't want to. Like, I think that's something really important to say and that you don't have to come out . If you're out to all your friends and you have a partner, but you go see your family and don't want to come out. Or if you are solo, whatever, you don't have to you, no one, you don't know anyone, any. They don't have to know. And I think that that piece around like secret versus privacy, like, it doesn't mean you're keeping a secret. It means you get to choose, you get to have your privacy and your protection because you have no idea how someone's gonna react. And if you're there all by yourself with your biological family, and maybe you happen to be the only queer person. Let's face it probably the only out queer person, or if you're the only non-binary trans person, or if you, whatever the case may be, you're not obligated to answer questions or to educate your family on these parts of yourself. Melisa: Right. You know, I think as we're talking about this coming out, merits a whole episode in the novice for itself. Maybe it's not always safe to be out and, and it's just really do what is right for you. Especially around holidays, which for some folks could be. I mean, gosh, I look at my family members. It's such a high stakes event in my family of everyone's tensions are high. Everyone's been cooking and tidying and all these things. Like that's not the energy that I would have wanted for my coming out. Like I just, you know, too much anxiety already let alone adding a vulnerable little piece like that, you know, onto it. And I want to say too, for some folks. Again, this is kind of like what we said earlier that might not feel like it fits for you. Perhaps you have a loving, wonderful, supportive family, and you've got this hunch that it's going to go super well and you just want to be okay. That's a different scenario. But you really do have to do what feels right and safe for you. Keely: Yeah. And the other piece, when you're talking about food or like the atmosphere, let's not forget how much substances are used during the holiday. Gosh. Yeah. And uncle Joe, you know, pounding it down, you have no idea what's going to come out of someone's mouth. If they've been drinking or using other substances, like we just don't know. So that safety piece. Safety, boundaries. We get to choose what information we want to share with people. Another piece that comes up is for folks that are partnered and the situation where, oh, you're allowed quotations allowed to come to family gatherings just as yourself, but it's not safe to bring a partner. And navigating that, like, do you do still bring the partner? Do you just not attend the event? And I think there can be a lot of judgment within the community around those decisions and really reemphasizing what you said, Melisa, which is people get to choose for themselves. And there is no right or wrong answer to whether or not to bring a partner to an event. Melisa: Right. And it's got, I feel like so many of our episodes were like communication. I guess we wouldn't be therapist if we weren't saying that. And we're communicating right now. Exactly. But it's, it is so important. You know, I think about even outside of holidays. Events in the past where, you know, again, being at that point, still closeted as, as poly. And at that point, Costus, bisexual Inviting partners around. We're not my primary. And like under this guise of like other, a friend and that doesn't sit well for me, from what I understand, it didn't sit well from the people I was dating and I don't blame them for that. And again, this was like a whole other episode I'm sure. Keely: But all the episodes. Melisa: Yeah. It's just, it's really a, it's a good idea to have conversations that are open about that because it can be so damaging. And there's so much shame in being closeted or not being able to be around somebody in the fullness of like how you actually relate and be like demoted. So, I don't know. I don't like any Keely: of that. That's fine. Yeah. Well, and so then the strategy there is that having these deliberate conversations many weeks before the event and, and checking in with all of your partners, and I know I definitely went through a phase. There was a time when. The friend and I was introduced to everybody as the friend, and that was really sucky that did not feel good. However, in that time of my life, and with that particular partner, I didn't feel safe to have a conversation with her and she wasn't really amenable to listening. So, I mean, that can also be the case. Again, not my partner anymore. So choosing different partners after that, but that those conversations that you're talking about, that communication you're talking about can, is part of the strategy. What would be your speaking of strategy? I'm kind of curious to have, if you have a couple more, I know I have a couple that I'm thinking about as we speak about this, but do you have something else that comes to mind as, Melisa: Well, as you're saying this Keely, I'm realizing, like I got to get some new strategies because I think that my strategies in the past were like, well, my ex just takes over the conversation and I've got a buffer, like think partnered was advantageous for me in that way of like, okay, you take these comments, I'll take those ones. And we'll just tag team. Or have that like nonverbal, like look across the room and just the nod at each other with wide eyes, like, yep. Aha. We're okay. We got this. Um, As a single person, it is going to be different for me this year. My big one. And I have given this to clients too. It goes back to the boundaries and giving yourself breaks, gave yourself breaks. I'm a person who can not afford to go. I can afford to go travel to my family. I can't afford to stay in a hotel, which means I'm staying with my parents. And I grew up pretty much as an only child with my parents. So like the trio, like we've got a, we go right back to that homeostasis. I am I am a queer adult who needs space. So I I've got to plan that like the time, you know, making it like time. What do you say time constraints, I guess I have not allowed for just days on end of nothing. I've scheduled things intentionally, so that I am going out to meet a friend for coffee, going to meet somebody for brunch, like doing those things. I think even. In the times where it's like all family members together, I might be the one going to the bathroom every hour, just so I can have a minute away to. Take walks, you know, volunteer for those store runs, whatever it is. That's kind of how, if I can vary it up and not be kind of in the same room for too long, that's a good strategy for me. Keely: Yeah. Yeah. And so along that side of those breaks, what I've worked with people doing is having a plan of how to care for yourself before the event and my favorite topic after care, how do we do after care from a holiday event? What does that look like? So that looks different for everybody, of course, but the post or the pre the pre-care before even going to the event is like, what kinds of things feel good? Like building yourself up or doing something that feels good before the event. So some of the things I enjoy and different people, and please jump in Melisa things that you also think of as pleasurable. Things like going for a swim hopping in the sauna. These are always sat at my gym. I going on a bike ride, playing the guitar, talking to a friend who I've known for a long time. I have a friend in New York who I've known since I was five and talking to her and just even for like 10 or 15 minutes before a family event, because she knows me so well. And she knows my family and she knows what I've been through. And so that's helped. Um, Have your list Melisa: of like funny movies to watch afterwards, you know, or even the texts going on with friends where everyone just send it, like everyone sends one emoji based on how they're doing in this moment of the family experience, Keely: your holiday emojis, you know, the list goes on, but I like Melisa: what you sent to you and like make it something pleasurable, not just how do I decompress from this hard yet, but how do I actually enjoy. Like my life and my time and being me Keely: in this moment. Yeah. And rituals what's affirming. And I always think about like, even for me to the afterwards, so the beforehand is pleasurable stuff. Take lots of breaks while at the event. And then afterwards I want to be around queer people. I want to be around people that are affirming of my gender and affirming of my sexuality. And I want to do things that feel good. And so. Luckily in Portland, you know, sometimes that involves, you know, there are events going on sometimes that I can hop into or just like go to a friend's house afterwards, enter the chosen Melisa: family and why it is so important and so wonderful. Especially in this time of year Keely: and that speaking of chosen family, we can always talk more and more about things that are pleasurable and things to do before care. And after. And breaks. I also want to give everyone permission, including I've already given permission to myself to spend the holidays with your chosen family. You get to choose whether or not you even acknowledge or talk to any family of origin. You get to just, you can go and have. Whatever holiday means for you with your chosen family or one or two people, you can make a date or, you know, you could go hang up by yourself at a Chinese restaurant and have some Chinese food because Chinese restaurants are going to be open. Melisa: I had last year, like I said, I really, I didn't even have, I had like a tiny Christmas tree, like Charlie brown style and my place. And that, that was all the energy that. You know, it was kind of like the longest day ever, just waiting for it to sort of end, but like giving myself permission, not to celebrate, not to have to watch all the movies and do all this stuff. When I, for me, I just, I was in a place of depression where it's so did not match. It was so jarringly different than the energy of the holidays. I didn't want to watch anything happy. All of these "couple-y" holiday movies, you know, especially just as a queer person, like there just weren't enough queer holiday movies that matched my experience. Not that there was more this year, but like, you know, we've Keely: got to work on that. There's a couple, but a few our experience or are they really worth watching? That's another post that's Melisa: debatable, but yeah, permission just not to celebrate and be like, what is. Yeah. Keely: Yeah. So not only, yes, you could celebrate with your chosen family, you can celebrate by yourself or not celebrate all and literally just veto the whole situation. And again, our wonderful word of pleasure and bringing that into whatever that means to you. And, you know, as you're talking. Circling back to the idea that Melisa and I are only two people. We don't know everything. We don't have all the answers. We actually have more questions and answers and true therapy style. But we do you know, we had some suggestions throughout today and would love to hear from all of you and we can create a post on our Instagram account and Facebook account too. We want to hear what are your ideas? What do all of you do? Can we share with all of the listeners and share with people that follow us? What do people do to keep your uh, joy? Keep some joy during these holiday? Yeah, Melisa: where's the queer joy, what's your specific survival guide as to how you get through this point of the year, if anyone really loves and enjoys the holidays as a queer person. Tell me more about that. Because we do, we, we, you know, as we've said before, we want to focus on what's working and realizing this can be a challenge, really a challenging uh, period of time of the year. We'd love to know how are people getting through. Keely: Yeah, for sure. So. I'll always speak in a queer joy. I'm like, what's your queer joy. The week with Melisa: the, this is going to just give people such a picture of my life. Do I go with the homemade butternut squash and pumpkin ravioli? Or do I go with the pet camera? I really it's a toss up. You're Keely: allowed to have more than one queer joy. So I think you can choose either one or. both. Melisa: I'll say both. I had another, just really restful quiet weekend, which I am loving these days. And I cooked, I say, restful, I cooked up a storm. I cooked so much food and now I get to eat the whole week and I'm really excited. So that was it was really fun self care. It was a good mindfulness activity for me being in the kitchen for multiple hours. Not letting my brain think, but I did also buy a pet camera and I am now spying all my cats between my breaks and sessions. So gay. I can talk to them through it too. Like it's really, I think I play with them more when I'm at work now than when I'm at home. Keely: I need to look into that. All of you queer folks out there who also have a pet camera and also watch your pets. When you're at work, please let us know. Please let Melisa know. It will make our day. You can even say. St clips, if you want share them. That's great. Melisa: It's a great way to put them on my work Instagram, but oh boy. Yeah, no, that is my queer joy. Keely: That's a great queer joy. Well, you know, I will say this weekend, I would mention a couple too because they kind of slide into each other. Cause the queer joy is about queer friends. And so the first one was Saturday afternoon. So that, that Friday, Friday I'd gotten this text and my friend was like, Hey, do you want to come over and help me get ready for a date? I was like, why yes. yes I do. That sounds great. So. Getting helping her get ready for her little date with this new woman. And we ended up watching Tampa. Bay's totally out myself, a new reality TV show for those who uh, like the lesbian reality shows. Yeah. Very drama filled. So that was one really fun. Helping, helping her get ready for a date. The second one was yesterday and I was, so yesterday was Sunday. It was really fascinating to reflect on the normalcy of yesterday, but it felt so joyful because since the pandemic there hasn't been opportunities for this. And so what happened is it was just a typical Sunday, but all of a sudden I realized I'm like, oh, my youngest child, Is outside the house on a friend date, hanging out with a friend at, at someone else's house. And then my oldest child was like doing her thing, like painting and introspective, teenagery shut in the room and a friend texted and was like, Hey. What are you doing? And I was like, oh my gosh, bring the soup over. And I'm just driving back from taking my youngest to their friend date. So I, you know, go to the grocery store and like grab bread and get some things to make banana bread and like all the things and like nothing out of the ordinary. But I don't remember the last time that has happened because it's so normal. And so. I had taken it for granted and so grateful for that, that joy that I got to experience and just sitting, eating soup and playing Rummy. That's it! That was, that was it. I love it. Melisa: You're right though. There's so many things that we forget about. I keep telling people this all the time, as we're doing sessions and talking about the specific things coming up in people's lives, like not forgetting we're in a pandemic that is impacting us on levels that we don't even realize at this moment. And I love that, but it's just, it feels like these mundane things that have so much more meaning because we don't have access. Keely: Oh my gosh. Yeah. So much. I do have to say, I might have edited this later, but so this is a really funny thing. I just feel like I should share with people because I've put myself on a no dating, no online dating until 2022. So my 13 year old loves to remind me. So if I'm hanging out with any friend, anyone she'll walk by the living room. Mom, mom, it's not 2022 yet mom. So I have my mind just rather just stuff. So that's a little. Well, w what do they call like a little teaser for our, for our season two, how we're going to start a season two. It's a little teaser season two's not till next year, but a little teaser about some of the topics we would be talking. Where we're headed, where we're headed. Solo single self love. Melisa: So grateful that you've joined me in this solo world. I was getting lonely over here having a relationship podcast as a solo person. Keely: And what does this even mean? Well on that note. Yo, thanks for joining us today. Yeah, I was going to give a Melisa: shout out Kelly to our yay. Our producer, who's in charge of making this all sounds so glorious. Keely: So thank you everyone for listening today and hope you got some helpful tips and felt like you have other support and other people that are digging and doing the same thing you are. And I hope you have a wonderful queer joyful week. Happy holidays.