How does being neurodivergent impact relationships and sexuality? What are some common yucks and yums? How can everybody foster understanding? Hear it all on this episode of the Queer Joy Podcast; where two relationship therapists (and guest Taylor Kravitz) explore what it looks like to see joy in queer relationships.
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TRANSCRIPT
ep 56
Taylor: I noticed more and more clients coming in talking about being neurodivergent and talking about how that was impacting their relationships and sexuality. And I felt like I really wanted to honor that, really well and fully.
Melisa: Hi everyone, and welcome back to Queer Relationships, Queer Joy. I'm one of your hosts, Melisa DeSegiurant.
Keely: Welcome everyone. I'm the other host, Keely C. Helmick,
Melisa: We're joined by a guest, so we'll do some introductions.
Keely: Yes, we'll do, I'll see if I can do it really quick this time. My name is Keely C. Helmick. I am the owner of Connective Therapy Collective. I am a queer non-binary femme, pronouns they, them, I am also a certified sex therapist and I am white and working on my back injury still. Five months to go.
Melisa: You're you're getting there Keely. You're getting there.
Keely: Yes.
Melisa: And I'm Melisa DeSegiurant. I am licensed as a marriage and family therapist and professional counselor working at Connective Therapy Collective. I'm white, I am able bodied, I'm bisexual, polyamorous, I am gender fluid, gender queer I use she and they pronouns. And welcome Taylor. You, we just like rushed in so you can introduce yourself, however feels comfortable to you. Let our listeners know who you are.
Taylor: Yeah. My name is Taylor Kravitz. I use she her pronouns. I am white, I am Queer and fat and femme, I'm a neurodivergent. I have ADHD. That's a part of my experience. I'm a mom and I am the owner of Empowered Fulfillment Therapy, which is, now a group practice here in Portland that specializes in sex and relationship therapy and specifically working with folks who are typically marginalized. So, queer, trans, kinky, or sex positive. Yeah, that's what I do.
Keely: Awesome. Well thanks for joining us today, Taylor. And do you wanna touch base? Will really quickly identify when you use it, when you're using the term neurodivergent, what you're referring to specifically.
Taylor: Yeah. So when I say neurodivergent, I'm referring to that, I don't have the, the experience of having a brain that, functions in a neurotypical way. So we in our society have really like favored and privileged neurotypical folks and so Neurodivergence is speaking to those who, could be a variety of things, but, commonly it's like people who have ADHD or who maybe are diagnosed as autistic or, people who have OCD. and there are some other, folks who identify as neurodivergent too. So it's kind of a way to claim that, like, yeah, our brains function a little bit differently than the norm. and I like to use it in this empowering way of like reclaiming, my experience in my unique brain.
Keely: Yeah. Yeah. So you have, you have a partner and you have a kiddo. And do you wanna talk a little bit about how, when we're talking about,non neurotypical experiences, how that shows up in your relationship?
Taylor: Yeah. Yeah, it shows up in lots of ways. I will say I have a neurodivergent partner too, so there's a commonality there, um, although we both started exploring that after we got together, so I wonder if that's part of what drew us to each other. But I will say I've noticed, it being more challenging, to kind of like get through daily life after being a parent. I think once we added that into our relationship, there's a lot more to keep up with and manage and, to keep track of. And I noticed that the ways that I had kind of like I built systems to, kind of like get by. And the structures that we have in our society. And I realized they were not working as well once I added in a child. So I think that added stress to our relationship cuz we were both experiencing that at the same time and struggling, with like being more overstimulated or losing track of things or being forgetful. And I think it's been really important in our relationship to have this lens of, of being neurodivergent because it reframes these challenges with communication or division of labor in a different way. Whereas before we might have said like, you're just not doing something because you're not valuing, contributing to our home. It's like, oh, you forgot to do this because your brain is struggling to keep track of everything. Uh, therefore, how can we work together to have a system that works better for us?
Melisa: Yeah. I hear you saying like, challenging the meaning making that may happen and understanding that's part of neurodivergence. It's not like a personal affront or something when something doesn't happen. Which I really, I love. It sounds like you're talking about this a little bit already, but I'm curious about your why in terms of your work, and it sounds like your relationships might inform what you're helping others learn about being in relationship with neurodivergent.
So your why and like what specifically feels important to communicate to people regarding neurodivergence? Both in relationships, but also in sex.
Taylor: Mm-hmm. . Yeah, I think my why is I've always been drawn to working with folks who feel underrepresented, specifically since I've done sex therapy, like in that space. And I've noticed just like more and more clients, I think through the, excuse me, the like community openness, like through TikTok and social media, there's been more exposure to, neurodivergent experiences. So I noticed more and more clients coming in talking about being neurodivergent and talking about how that was impacting their relationships and sexuality. And I felt like I really wanted to honor that, really well and fully. So I think that's my why is I want people to feel seen, understood, I want them to be able to make this different, meaning around these experiences that happen in the relationship. That could be because of their neurodivergence. It's really important to me. Yeah.
Melisa: I love that you also used the word empowerment before, which it feels like an important part of this conversation. I mean, maybe any conversation having to do with sex and underrepresented populations. I wanna throw this term out there, and I'm pretty sure it was Cardinal who said this, so Cardinal giving you credit. If it was you and if not, you get credit anyway. I guess, but that used the term neuro spicy, which I like that really resonated with me and felt like that empowering energy you're talking about.
Taylor: I love that word. It's like, a really fun reclaiming.
Melisa: Yeah.
Taylor: About, um, neuro divergence and I think it's, yeah, I've seen it around and it's just, it's a fun way to say like, yeah, I'm feeling a little neuro spicy.
Cardinal: Hey, Hey, it's Cardinal. You're behind the scenes, buddy. I didn't come up with neuro spicy. I don't know who did is just a TikTok thing. But yeah.
A common experience for neurodivergent folks is difficulty dealing with communication. That can show up in a variety of ways, depending on the person and something that can be helpful. Our conversation, facilitation tools. These can also help neurotypicals like myself. So we've got a free relationship check-in worksheet that guides you and your partner or partners through five quick activities that build understanding of yourself and the nature of your relationship. Find it in the episode description. All right. Back to the show.
Melisa: What are your feelings on, TikTok as a resource for people? You mentioned that, and I've seen the same, a lot of clients who are exploring parts of self because of TikTok, and, and people they're seeing and I know. It can be sort of a controversial thing, you know, in, in psychology, we're taught, don't self-diagnose. Yet in today's world where so much of, you know, the DSM, the research excludes a lot of people. It seems like resources, like social media, like TikTok have been an important way for people to explore things like neuro divergence.
Taylor: Yeah, I'm super supportive. I'm not on TikTok myself, just cuz I feel like I'll get sucked into a hole. But I love it for clients because as you're referencing the field of psychology and therapy and mental health, the research is really centered around like white hetero cis experiences. And I think that TikTok has created this space where we can talk about, um, how might neuro divergence show up for, women and fem folks and queer folks and people who aren't usually represented and who I've had to learn how to like kind of like fit into these systems and survive in these nuanced ways that I think can like, kind of hide or conceal some of their experiences as neuro divergent people. There's also this huge, like correlation with queerness and neuro divergence, um, that we're seeing. And so I just think that like if TikTok is a place where people can, like, feel, seen and understood and find their voice and have this framing that helps them feel like they better understand themselves.
I'm like all for it. I don't wanna, be a gatekeeper to people's, like self-understanding.
Keely: I love that. I'm thinking about the term. Going back to when, Melisa, when you said neuro spicy, and I wonder thinking of neuro spicy, the bedroom and sex how does these neurodiversity traits show up in sex life in people when they're talking about their sex. If you wanna talk about your own relationship, but just in general, what do you see showing up and how is that navigated in the therapy room and in sex therapy?
Taylor: Totally. Yeah. I'll say there's like this huge spectrum to what neurodiversity can look like and I think how it can show up in sex, but I'll speak to some of the common things that I've noticed.
Um, So one thing that's come up for a lot of my clients who are neurodivergent is sensory issues related to sex. just like a common experience for neurodivergent. That there might be sensory sensitivities. And sex is such a sensory oriented experience. There's so many senses that are being activated, and so I've noticed that could lead to someone feeling like really shut down or overstimulated or overwhelmed in a sexual space.
Or needing like more stimulation. And actually like, an example is like really enjoying like kink and impact play because that kind of, stimulation is like more, stimulating for their brain. And so they're more like present and engaged. so that's one thing I've noticed. I've also noticed, there's like, something, autistic folks experience called autistic burnout and I think that can happen for ADHDers too. And so if someone is experiencing burnout because they feel like they're having to mask and basically try to like perform and get by in our society and it's really exhausting and overwhelming for them to like conform to these neurotypical systems all the time, they might feel really depleted, low energy, exhausted, and then have a hard time connecting with pleasure and, sex and like their partner in that way. So I've noticed like really needing to tend to one's experience with masking and burnout to be able to have space for pleasure, and eroticism and their solo life for their relationship too.
Keely: When I wonder, I realized when I did ask that, asking such a broad question. How about we specify and talk about ADHD in particular around sex and what it's like as a person who is neuro divergent? Who, who has ADHD traits and how does that show up in sex? I mean, I know that when I think about it, Melisa, I wonder what your clients show up. I think about one of the things is there's a stimulation piece, but there's also a piece of, why am I not thinking of the word? It's like, always wanna try something new.
Taylor: Mm-hmm.
Keely: I'm not sure that I'm using the correct word, .
Melisa: Novelty?
Keely: Novelty, yes. That novelty is a big thing. And how that intersects with a person who, has ADHD or ADHD traits.
Taylor: Mm-hmm. . Yeah. I've definitely noticed that for myself and with, clients who experience ADHD and we're talking about sex and relationships together. A common thing I've heard is like feeling bored.
Keely: Yeah.
Taylor: And it depends on the like type of ADHD that you experience. but totally you can start to feel like kind of bored and like, my brain needs more dopamine to feel like engaged and excited, in whatever we're exploring together. And so I noticed like a desire for novelty and newness and exploration and expansion, that feels really good for those folks, but can be harder maybe if they have a, a neurotypical partner who's like, Wow. Like, it feels like you're always wanting more and like exploration. And they might internalize that as feeling, like, am I not enough? Or, you know, do I fool you? Am I not attractive?
Melisa: It's that meaning making you were talking about earlier.
Taylor: Yeah, totally. I was just gonna say, it goes back to that meaning making of like, what if it's about, oh, this is how my brain works and what my brain needs to be engaged instead of oh, I'm just like bored with you and our sex life. It's just a different framing.
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Melisa: I'm gonna make the, the joke that I sometimes make Keely, you'll appreciate maybe this, but there's a part of me as I hear that that goes great, non monogamy is such a great answer to that. And of course I'm gonna say that those of you who have been listening for a while know that, that's what was gonna happen.
But I'm also, I mean, there are so many monogamous people who also need the novelty, and I'm curious. Do you have tips for people? Do you have, like, and have you seen that in your clients that like, I can't get novelty in terms of new partners. What do I do? How do we, we, keep things interesting in the bedroom.
Taylor: I will say I think non monogamy can absolutely be a, a wonderful way to explore that but if someone is monogamous and that's the relationship structure that works best for them, I think part of it is, one, being able to communicate really openly about sex and those needs and being able to explore together where it's really coming from.
Because again, that meaning making and that reframe can completely shift how open and receptive their partner is to this exploration. Cuz when you're doing it from a place of like shame or like I'm not enough, versus like, oh, this will make my partner feel even more present and excited and we get to like play and explore together.
That's a whole different framing. Um, I talked to a lot of couples about, expanding their menu. so like their sexual and erotic menu. And so that's a, like a fun way to play with that and to explore like, what are, items that you can add to your menu. We might explore kink and BDSM if they're both open and interested. We might explore, different kinds of like toys, or games or, you know, playful things they can incorporate into sex. I've had, couples do what I call the sex shop walk, but just like go to a sex shop and like walk around and. Just talk together and be like, what is exciting for you?
Like what brings that dopamine rush where you're like, Ooh, that, that feels a little spicy or exciting for me. And to see if they actually have something that they align around that they didn't even know. so I think being playful, and exploring is a really great way to start to expand their physical intimacy and their erotic life.
Melisa: I love that. I love the, the sex walk as you, as you talked about it too. And, and specifically not letting the sex just happen in the moment or in the bedroom, but like really connecting, through, you know, talking about sexual interest outside of that exact moment that you're sexually engaging um, seems like a great way to come up with these ideas in a, maybe a less pressured moment.
Taylor: Mm-hmm. . Totally.
Keely: I think about when you're saying this also for depending, like you said, the type of ADHD a person may experience, there's also a hyperfocus, and so in this planning mode, someone who experiences ADHD may actually. If they find a type of sex that they're really interested in actually diving into that and being hyper-focused and researching. And that is also an area to explore. Um, especially, and I'm curious, and none of us may know, I know I don't know this, but I am curious if there's a higher rate or how many folks who are in BDSM kink identities or explore BDSM and kink do identify as ADHD. And how many people who are non monogamous or poly identify as ADHD, um, as having ADHD. And I'm thinking about outside of that, are there other things that people. I can imagine people listening, being like, okay, well I don't have, I don't wanna do like toys. I don't necessarily wanna go to a sex shop. Do you have one or two other things that you talk about that someone could sa say, who is monogamous and doesn't wanna include toys, but still wants to have this realm of exploration and having some, some novelty added to their relationship and their sexual dynamic?
Taylor: Totally. Yeah, I will say that there is a correlation. I don't know. But
Melisa: Yeah. I could see that being, the case with non monogamy, and kink and BDSM too. Um, just like there's a correlation with queerness. I think there's like this desire to have this expansiveness that's there for uh, neurodivergent folks.
I think some other things, could be just like how people communicate in the moment during sex. so like, it doesn't mean they have to engage in like dirty talk if that's not something that feels good for them, although it could. but getting to like bring, the person with ADHD, like back into the moment if their brain is kind of like floating, or getting distracted, um, by their partner checking in and being like, Hey, like, you know, this is feeling great or like, you know, whatever they're noticing, like, I'm really enjoying this, or I'm really attracted to you right now.
Taylor: Or like, Hey, are you, are you with me? It's okay to do a check in like that. Um, but I think in the moment communication can be so helpful cuz it's just bringing the person's brain back to the moment and helping them stay present.
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Keely: And going back to this idea, you were saying Taylor earlier about shame and how in that could be a place where the partner feels shame cuz like, oh, they're not interested in me, or they're distracted during sex and I am not sexy enough, or I'm not interesting enough.
But in actuality, it's part of how their brain works and being able to work together and have that communication. Both before engaging in sexual activities, but also, yeah, talking during sex and normalizing talking during sex. I mean, I'm sure we've talked about that before, Melisa.
Melisa: Absolutely.
Keely: That's continually something that couples will talk about and sometimes feel awkward or like it ruins the moment or all of these ideas that, these cultural ideas that really need some folks, it helps for them to practice that, practice that communication so that it doesn't feel awkward or lean or I always say lean into the awkwardness. Okay. You're talking-
Melisa: Totally.
Keely: It feels awkward. Lean into it. Let's play it. Be awkward.
Melisa: I'm so glad you just said that. Keely. I literally had a session about a week ago where I told someone like, your, your homework is to go have the most awkward sex you can have. Like get it outta your system. Just agree with your partner. We're gonna be as awkward as we can be, so we know what that is, and then it won't be so scary.
Taylor: Sex is weird when you really like, think about it but that's okay. It can be weird. It can be awkward and still like pleasurable and connecting and all of those things. So I think embracing that awkwardness and weirdness or silliness, feels really good. And it's a way to be vulnerable with each other, like, you know, someone in the moment can say like, Hey, my brain is kind of like floating away, but I wanna be here with you.
Or, oh, I'm suddenly feeling really overstimulated. Can we shift to something else right now? Yeah. Like it feels hard sometimes to be that vulnerable and yet if you can and you can like work through that together, it's so connecting cuz you're like, oh, I get to like be my full self and share my full experience. And we still get to have this really pleasurable experience together.
Melisa: And then we learn it safe with that partner to ask for things like that. And it will be respected, not shamed, you know?
Taylor: Totally.
Melisa: I like that too. Are you that checking in? Like, are you, are you still with me? Are you with me? I've seen people do thateven just using eye contact, like, Hey, look at me, look me in the eyes. And it's like that moment of reconnection where, I don't know, can we call sex, like co-regulating? Is that what we're doing when we're having sex versus having our own individual, you know, experiences we're like coming together, right?
Keely: I mean, it can be yes. When it's done a certain way, it's definitely co-regulating. Yeah.
Taylor: Totally.
Keely: Well, I think the focus when, if we go back to talking about BDSM, that focus that happens during scenes or that can happen during scenes really does allow folks to be in their body and often reported it's a more intense, mindfulness practice within the dynamic of the scene while engaging in BDSM.
Taylor: Mm-hmm. . Yeah. It makes me think about how, I think a lot of people, I'll speak to ADHD cuz it's my experience, um,
Keely: Yeah.
Taylor: Really struggle with mindfulness.
Keely: Mm-hmm.
Taylor: Like I know I'm like learning to be a therapist. I like learned about mindfulness practices and I would like walk clients through them and then I would try it and I'm like, my brain cannot do this. Like, I'm trying so hard. I keep practicing and it's just not working and I just recognized once I had the reframe ofexperiencing ADHD is that I just have to engage with mindfulness in different ways.
Keely: Yeah.
Taylor: For me, like personally, kink is a way to be mindful in sex because the, like, increase of the stimulation and the like, focus of the scene and being able to hyper focus in that, really helps me be present.
And I think that's the case for a lot of people. so I love that, like it can be a path to mindfulness, which needs to, you know, being present and having more pleasure and being more connected to whoever you're being sexual with.
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Keely: We haven't had a full episode. We are gearing up for that, but we have not had a full episode on BDSM and kink. And I, I do wanna bring out at least talking about this when we're talking about novelty, is really opening up the idea that when we say BDSM and kink, that there is such a wide range. And so we're not saying, I mean, I was talking specifically about a scene, but that can be a lot. There's a huge variation and even things like, using handcuffs or using sensory items blindfolding.
I mean, those are the basics that we hear, especially if we listen to, God forbid, listen to goop or something.
But even, you know, almost like kink light.
Taylor: Mm-hmm.
Keely: Bringing things in that are sensory specific that are new. It doesn't have to be someone. Pain or being with a trained dom or one of the partners learning how to be a dom and sub, there are ways that can, those pieces can be brought in without a very structured scene.
And consent, consent, consent, consent. No matter what we're talking about. Sorry, just gotta throw that out there. Just realizing as I'm talking, if someone's like, oh, I'm gonna try kink I'm gonna try tying someone up, or putting handcuffs to the bed. Consent first.
Taylor: Crucial. Yeah. I think kink is so expansive. I, I talk to my clients about like, kink doesn't even have to be sexual.
It can be, but it, it, there's like this huge spectrum of how you can engage with kink and I think people can feel pretty intimidated. They haven't explored it before, and they do have this vision of like, wow, I have to like engage in this, full like dom sub dynamic. And there has to be a whole scene and really you can engage with kink and you can be kinky. Um, this like entire spectrum same with neurodiversity. So.
Keely: Yeah. And I was thinking about even, I wanna bring into the, in the space today. Also, some people that are mostly monogamous will have a partner will, if they're really interested in BDSM but the other partner isn't. It's, it happens often. There are dynamics where someone seeks out a dom and wants to engage in that and sometimes the agreement is that it's, there isn't penetrative or any kind of sex, but it's, it is the specific BDSM scenes and those can be part of agreements in a monogamous relationship, in a non-monogamous relationship, in a poly relationship. So just, there's so many different things to explore.
Melisa: As we're making these connections today too. I just wanna, I hope there are listeners out there who are like, maybe I'm neuro spicy, making these connections between queerness and like, you know, kink, non monogamy, all those things. I just hope I'm, I'm here for you, whichever listener you are that's going, like, the wheels are turning right now and you're starting to get excited. I see you.
Keely: If these things excite you, go with it. Lean into it.
Taylor: Yeah. All the permission to like, explore and, and claim whatever resonates with you. We're not given, these like messages in these scripts and these conversations aren't happening typically. And so if anyone is feeling like excited or empowered or like, Ooh, I'm, I'm feeling really curious. I, I resonate with this idea. Then yeah, I just wanna give you all the power to, to claim that and explore it too.
Keely: And I think that's a, I mean, there's so many amazing things about being queer, but I really feel like in the Queer community, and for me being queer and being non-binary is there's so much permission to be all these different things, try all these different things, not be in a strict way of this is how sex is, or this is how I engage with other people sexually, or this is how my body is treated, or, touch during sex. Like there's so many different ways to explore, and I think the, the script for cis heteronormative folks is so restrictive and they can just learn so much from us because we just like, we have all the fun in the, at the bedroom. Sorry, we just-
Taylor: It's all about the curiosity.
Keely: Yes. The curiosity and, and not having a certain label prescribed to certain sexual acts.
Melisa: And Taylor, like you said, the playfulness, you brought that in and I think that's, that's, that's so key.
Taylor: Yeah. I think to what you're speaking to Keely, I remember I was, uh, in undergrad studying like sociology, gender and sexuality studies, and that's when I first learned about like queer history.
and I was in like a very conservative, very religious town growing up. So I was like closeted queer kid, super unsafe to, to be out. That kind of dynamic. So I was like, I'm gonna study all the queer things in college cuz I finally feel like I have a space to do that. Um, and that's when I learned about the idea of like queer as a verb. So like queering something. And that just is like, what was coming to mind for me is like, I think queerness is such a, a beautiful like, lens of expansiveness and it's like, how can we queer sex and gender and kink and like whatever it is that someone is curious about, whether they hold the identity or not, that they can, yeah, take that as a, a verb to, to kind of like challenge those norms.
Keely: Totally. I mean, that is my career goal. That is why I created Connective Therapy Collective because I want to queer sex therapy. I'm all about queering sex therapy because it is hoo! It is super white, cis, hetero, monogamous, like that's what the research is and what the books are, and I wanna queer it up. No matter what your identity is, just fucking queer it up.
Melisa: I was just gonna say too, and, and seriously, you can queer it up as a, as a straight person.
Keely: Totally.
Melisa: Um, but This concept like makes me very happy as a bisexual person because getting to experience queer sex with a cis man. That's amazing for me. Like that's something I had not experienced with cis men before coming into my own queerness and dating other people who are queer. so yeah, we can queer up lots of things that make them really fun and wonderful.
Keely: Well, yeah, let's queer it up. Let's make, uh, sex for everybody. Pleasurable, enjoyable, consensual. Yes.
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Keely: Well, Taylor, we like to wrap up the show with Queer Joy, but I wanna make sure before we get to our Queer Joy of the week, do you wanna plug anything, tell people a little bit more about your practice and where people can find you if they have questions, any upcoming things you'd like to share?
Taylor: Yeah, thanks for that invitation. So again, my practice is called Empowered Fulfillment Therapy and we work with folks in Oregon. so you can find us. It's empoweredfulfillment.com. We have some amazing clinicians in the practice. Everyone, works with sex and relationships, and is queer trans ethical, nonmonogamy, neurodiversity affirming.
Um, so those are our values we identify as anti-racist and wanna challenge white supremacy in our practice too. So that's the work we do. I'm also, a new supervisor, so I'm accepting supervisees who wanna do similar kinds of work and then I am also a, a private practice business coach. so you can learn more about that at,restorativepractice.me if anyone is curious.
Keely: Awesome. Thanks Taylor.
Taylor: Thank you.
Keely: You have a Queer Joy that you would like to share. It doesn't have to be just from this week. You can just share any Queer Joy.
Taylor: Ooh, I like that invitation.
Keely: We can also go first if you want.
Taylor: Yeah, you can go first and I'll think.
Keely: Melisa.
Melisa: I bought some Queer Joy, although I will say, and we, we do specify that it doesn't have to be specifically a Queer thing, it's just a Queer Joy because we're Queer people having joy. This feels a little ironic to call a Queer Joy though, cuz there's so many straight, non-queer themes in what I'm about to share. But, I did a lot of fun inner child stuff this weekend and watched, I started watching Christmas movies and I just hadn't yet.
I love them, but like I. You know, I hadn't gotten there, I guess. And uh, I finally was like, okay, this is the weekend . I'm gonna watch like a bunch of movies. And I specifically watch movies that were like my favorite as a very little kid. And that like, I mean, I was crying most of all of these movies and not even like the emotional parts, but just because they touched such a core to me.
But it was interesting, like the first one that's like so near and dear to me, is like the original, oh my gosh, now I'm blanking out cause I'm talking . Okay. The original Santa Claus was one of them and that was really fun. But the original Miracle on 34th Street, that movie, I mean it's black and white. It's very old. It's not the nineties version. I'm talking like, I wanna say like 60. I don't know, in the sixties maybe isn't
Keely: Is it even sooner. Like, isn't even like the forties or fifties anyway. I think forties, go ahead.
Melisa: I have no idea. So good. And it was interesting to watch it sitting in like the queer kinky body that I'm in now, cuz I'm like, wow, that's what I grew up wanting to be as a quote unquote woman, right?
And so to have such joy. But then also this conflicting experience of like, that's what I tried to be and knew how to do so well. And a lot of that's like beyond just this movie that's like my theater training and like, you know, all of it. But it was just a really interesting moment, but also my reclaim of like, oh, thank God I'm who I am now. Like, thank God I am living my queer ass life and like changing all the rules. So anyway, yeah, it was a reflective moment, but also my inner child was very happy.
Taylor: Sweet. I love that. I haven't seen that one. So.
Keely: Oh yeah. It's a good one.
Melisa: It is. It's just a, sweet, uh, also, I will say my attention span for movies, I can binge TV shows for weeks and months on end, but movies I just like don't watch very often. And these like, are those really short, little sweet, like hour and a half, two hour, like I could do it. I, I did two in a day.
Keely: Taylor, what's your Queer? Joy?
Taylor: Yeah, so, my mom is in town right now visiting, and I think when I have family visit, it's like a, it leads me to reflect on my, like little family that I've created here. And I think when we are talking about queering things, I've been feeling as my mom is here visiting, I've created a different kind of family than I grew up. and like my, my baby is like so happy and joyful and just like, you know, feels are feels in the moment and have permission to do that. And so, um, and we have like a non-traditional family structure. So yeah, I think I'm feeling like really joyful about how we're like queering family and. How like lovely and beautiful in safe, insecure, it feels, especially contrasted with like my experience growing up that just comes up when family's around. So I feel really joyful about that right now.
Keely: Yay. Well, Melisa, speaking of inner child, I went to the Pride Night basketball game. Yes. And I don't know if I shared this before here or one of my like queer coming out stories, but I will say like I have been a Trailblazer fan since the age of five, and little Keely used to call in on the phone and talk to the coach and listen to the games on the radio.
So, getting to go to a Blazer game, even though I've now as an adult, gone multiple times, getting to go to it is so fun. And then Pride Night, it just still blows my mind because going to a Blazer game and then having this huge, you know, the motor center and there is, they're talking, you know, it's pride. There's rainbow everywhere. They are specifically talking about what pride means. They have these, everything being donated to new avenues for youth. It just, it right now even is sending me chills because little five year old. 10 year old, 15, 20 year old, couldn't even imagine that, of just being so seen. And so being in a sports venue, and then the really cute part is a queer community, is that I got two tickets and all of my friends were already going, and the two people I'm dating had other things going on, and so I was showed up by myself, but then one of the people I'm dating, their friends were only four rows above me. Like how does that happen? That we happen to be in the same exact section? And so
Melisa: This is so you Keely, this happens to you all the time.
Keely: They had extra seats next to them. And so even though I thought I was gonna be by myself at the game, I had six queer people community just be like, no, no, no come up here, come, come hang out with us.
And so I got to share the game with a big group of queer people and, and blazers won. So it was fun.
Taylor: I'm getting the goosebumps too, like I wanna cry. It just, those moments are so powerful when it's like you never imagined there could be like queerness in this space openly. And then it's like, it's just so cool.
Keely: We're so, yeah. We know horrendous things happen and we are so lucky to be where we're at and get to experience that. So. Yay. Well, thank you again, Taylor, for joining us today and talking about NEURODIVERGENCY and ADHD and sex. We really appreciate all of your insight and thoughtfulness, and hopefully listeners picked up a thing or two and are gonna maybe try some things out later this week with a partner or so, or themselves.
And other than that, you know how to find us on Instagram, Facebook, all the things, and we hope you all have a queer and joyful week.
Cardinal: Thanks for listening to queer relationships, Queer Joy, a podcast by the Connective Therapy Collective. Hosted by Keely C. Helmick and Melissa DeSegiurant with audio edited by Ley Supapo Bernido and produced by me. Cardinal marking. Intro music is by bad snacks. This week's guest was Taylor Kravitz find Taylor and her Merry band of therapists@empoweredfulfillment.com.
Or if you're a mental health therapist, check out her private practice, business coaching website. Restorative practice.com. If this episode made you smile or think, tell us about it. If you hated it, tell us about that. Review us on iTunes or Spotify, or send me an email at media at Connective Therapy. Collective dot com.
For more Queer Joy, visit our website at www dot Connective Therapy. Collective dot com. Love ya. Bye.