Keely and Melisa reflect on their relationships in 2022. Other topics include breaking up with people during the holidays, where the podcast is going, and how relationships are like cats. Hear it all on this episode of the Queer Joy Podcast; where two relationship therapists explore what it looks like to see joy in queer relationships.
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TRANSCRIPT
ep 57
Keely: It's a really great opportunity to talk to your partners, set some intentions for yourself, but also set some relational intentions, brush off those agreements. have a nice check-in, maybe a longer check-in Hello everyone. Welcome back to Queer Relationships Queer Joy.
Melisa: Here we are after a little break.
Keely: Yeah, we, you know, we all need to take breaks. So we took a week break right before the end of the year and we'll do some check-ins, kind of see how, how both of us are doing.
Melisa: Take the temperature at this point, right? Right before the new year where things are.
Keely: Yeah, and we wanna take this, this is gonna be a very casualtype of day, talking about wrapping up the year, talking about some New Year's intentions, and wanna take a moment to also recognize how these what we talk about can be utilized by other people listening for your own New Year's intentions and check-ins.
So,introductions.
Melisa: I know, I was ready for the updates, but we should we. Yeah, let's do introductions first.
Keely: Are we just gonna start doing, do we, do you know the podcast I listen to? I wonder when Is there ever a time we stop doing check- not check-ins. We'll always do check-ins, but is there a time when we stop doing intros?
Melisa: Intros. honestly, I feel very at home with the other podcast I've listened to, because I think they do the same thing, at least, in my library or whoever I've subscribed to. It's like get into all these details and they're like, oh shit, here, here's our podcast, here's our names. Like, let's do that. But it becomes an afterthought at some point,
Keely: It is. Well, and I think back to not the co-host now, but there was a co-host that was working with Ashley Gavin, and they had Kate, Kate Sisk had their intro down, and so maybe one of my New Year's intentions, maybe an actual New Year's resolution. I will get my intro down so fast, it'll just be really crisp, specific, we'll keep practicing. That'll be my pra- I'll practice that. Practice that in the mirror,
Melisa: Totally like, like an affirmation
Keely: Keely's affirmation for the week. All right, well, speaking of that, my name is Keely C. Helmick. I am the owner of Connective Therapy Collective. I'm a licensed sex therapist. I am Queer, non-binary white fem. I am practicing nonmonogamy and really solo nonmonogamy right now, but I am ready for a primary. I have taken over a year from having a like full relationship, however you wanna term that for in my terms, a full relationship and I'm ready for primary. This solo poly stuff does not jive with me. I'm not a solo poly person.
Melisa: I hear you're being over it as you say that. I'm ready.
Keely: But you know, we all know, and people can deny this, but please write in, you know, when you're wanting it, it doesn't happen. And as soon as I get in a place where I'm like, oh, fuck it, like whatever. That's when it'll happen. But it has to be authentic. I can't pretend it and pretend to be over it. I need to really just be like in my, my groove and not trying to get a relationship, and that's when that person orbits into my life.
Melisa: Of course, I'm gonna do my intro, I swear. But of course, the analogy that comes into my mind is cats. Is anyone surprised that? That's what comes into my mind? But it's like when they're looking at you and they're like, I wanna sit on your lap. But if you make eye contact and you want that, they're not gonna do it. You gotta look away. You gotta play it cool. Use some improv skills like I'm not interested. And then they jump in your lap. So that's what you gotta do. Keely, look away. And then that partner's just gonna jump right into your lap.
Keely: So if I get off all the apps, is that the same as looking away from just the cat? Off all the apps again. Do my little thing go off for what, two weeks a month?
Melisa: They work for me over summer.
Keely: I mean, I am gonna join the lesbian choir. Maybe a friend of a friend. I don't know.
Melisa: Alright, here's my intro cause we're already updating cause that's the fun part anyway.
Keely: Yeah.
Melisa: I'm Melisa DeSegiurant. I'm licensed as a therapist in Oregon and California. I work at Connective, Therapy Collective. I am a white person. I'm able-bodied. I am bisexual. I am polyamorous and my gender is fun. It's fun and interesting and it's all over the place. Sometimes I say I'm gender fluid, sometimes it feels gender queer. I'm gender spicy going with some of the terminology we've used recently. I use she and pronouns.
Keely: Oh, gender spicy. Everything's spicy right now. We need some spice in this gray Portland weather. So yeah, bring on the spice.
Melisa: That's what it is. I'm already over winter and it like barely is starting.
Keely: I learned that there's, spicy veggie straws.
Melisa: Oh.
Keely: Like the, I tried those out speaking of spicy yesterday, that was interesting at a big queer gathering watching the, final episode of White Lotus. I won't give anything away and realizing that wa